CELEBRITY
WASHINGTON — During a fiery campaign-style speech Tuesday night, Donald Trump stunned supporters and historians alike when he announced that every war the United States has fought since 1775 was actually the fault of Barack Obama.
WASHINGTON — During a fiery campaign-style speech Tuesday night, Donald Trump stunned supporters and historians alike when he announced that every war the United States has fought since 1775 was actually the fault of Barack Obama.
Standing at the podium and gesturing dramatically at a large chart labeled “Wars That Obama Started Somehow,” Trump told the crowd that the entire historical record had finally been “uncovered.”
“People don’t know this,” Trump said, lowering his voice for emphasis. “But the American Revolution? Totally Obama. He was probably advising the British. Very sneaky guy.”
Historians immediately pointed out that Obama was born in 1961, a detail Trump waved away as “fake calendar math.”
According to Trump’s speech, Obama was also secretly responsible for:
• The War of 1812 — “Obama pushed the British into it.”
• The Mexican-American War — “Backroom deal, everybody knows it.”
• The Civil War — “Very divisive leadership from Obama back then.”
• World War I — “He whispered to the Kaiser.”
• World War II — “Obama told Japan, ‘You should try Pearl Harbor.’ Sad.”
• Vietnam — “Obama strategy.”
• The Cold War — “Started it. Froze it. Very cold guy.”
At one point Trump unveiled what he called “the smoking gun.”
A hand-drawn timeline showing Obama traveling through time wearing sunglasses and a trench coat labeled “Historical Interference Unit.”
Members of the crowd appeared confused when Trump claimed Obama had personally convinced the British to tax tea in 1773.
“Look, nobody likes taxes more than Obama,” Trump explained. “That tea thing? Classic Obama move.”
Several supporters could be heard murmuring, “That actually makes sense.”
Trump concluded the speech by promising that if elected again he would launch a full investigation into Obama’s involvement in the Trojan War, stating:
“Frankly, folks, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was advising the Greeks.”
Historians later released a brief statement saying they were “very tired” and would “like everyone to please stop rewriting 250 years of history during campaign rallies.”
Trump, however, doubled down during a post-speech interview:
“Next week we’re exposing Obama’s role in the dinosaurs going extinct. People are talking about it.”