BREAKING NEWS: Supreme Court issues unanimous ruling — Trump’s executive power stripped at 11:07 AM. Raise your hand if you want Trump removed!!

BREAKING NEWS: Supreme Court issues unanimous ruling — Trump’s executive power stripped at 11:07 AM. Raise your hand if you want Trump removed!!

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Panic swept across social media Tuesday after thousands of users simultaneously declared that “history changed forever” at precisely 11:07 a.m., the exact minute the internet claims the Supreme Court unanimously pressed the nation’s largest imaginary “reset” button.

Within seconds of the fictional ruling, hashtags exploded across every platform as millions of self-proclaimed constitutional scholars emerged from nowhere, confidently explaining a court opinion that, in this satirical universe, none of them had actually read.

Political influencers immediately switched into full emergency mode, posting dramatic videos beginning with, “I don’t normally make videos like this…”—despite making exactly that video every Tuesday.

In an equally fictional twist, cable news producers reportedly replaced weather forecasts with 24-hour countdown clocks labeled, “Executive Power Remaining: Loading…”

Meanwhile, lawmakers on both sides of the aisle celebrated and condemned the imaginary decision at the same time, proving once again that politics is the only sport where everyone claims victory before the final score is announced.

The internet’s favorite legal experts—whose previous qualifications included reviewing restaurant menus and fantasy football rules—quickly uploaded hour-long analyses recorded only three minutes after the fictional ruling was announced.

Not to be outdone, online petitions appeared faster than pop-up ads. One particularly enthusiastic petition simply read, “Raise your hand if you want T removed!!” Within minutes, thousands had clicked “support,” while others launched competing petitions demanding petitions be banned until people actually finished reading them.

Tech companies reported record-breaking traffic as users refreshed their feeds every four seconds, hoping someone—anyone—would post a screenshot proving the story was real. Instead, they were greeted by blurry images, dramatic red circles, and captions beginning with “My cousin’s roommate works in Washington…”

In this entirely fictional universe, the Supreme Court eventually released an imaginary follow-up statement saying, “Please stop treating anonymous social media graphics as official legal documents.”

By late afternoon, attention had already shifted to the next viral headline, leaving historians to conclude that, in the age of social media, breaking news has an average shelf life of twelve minutes—unless someone adds the words “SHARE BEFORE THEY DELETE THIS.”

Experts agreed on one thing: in the fictional Republic of Viral Posts, facts may take the stairs, but rumors arrive by rocket.